Are You Talking Pink or Blue People?
“[Marriage is] like signing a 356-page contract without knowing what’s in it.” Kenneth Blanchard
Are you giving the answer he or she wants to hear?
I waited until later in life to get married. That time alone in singleness allowed space to gain understanding about self and how I would exist in the world. Where I wanted to go in life and what path I’d choose to get there. My attitude early in the maturation process was to grow self in order to be the best I could be for my wife – to be. Early on I thought such a course would create leverage against divorce. So many couples growing up around me were divorcing. That motivated me to stay as far away from divorce as possible, to the point of fearing marriage for many years.
I married now and I still seek continual improvement of self in order to avoid divorce. So my beautiful wife asks me yesterday, “What are five things you think we have in common?” Now I should be better at decoding my wife’s “pink” audible microphone questions than I am, but it to is a life long learning process. With my “blue” headphones I heard, “What are five things you think we have in common?” So with the tender warrior in me I responded from the top of my four pillars with something like:
1. We both love the Lord with all our heart.
2. We both believe in His word to the point of results.
3. We both are passionate about using our gifts and talents to inspire others.
4. We both believe that there is always more to give.
5. And we both are committed to loving and respecting each other better tomorrow than we did today (A little hope as icing on the cake).
“I could go on with a much longer list, but what are five things you think we have in common,” I asked? Now at the time she chose not to respond and that’s ok, some cakes need a little longer bake time. But ladies don’t come back later belittling your man because his response wasn’t what you wanted to hear, claiming whatever he responds with as superficial. Men have been created to be men. We are designed to be providers, protectors, and priest for our families. As mature men we think that way. And as you know to a fault we behave that way.
Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, author of Love and Respect: The love she most desires and the respect he desperately needs, says we listen with blue headphones, therefore we hear in blue. You have been designed in a way that hears through pink headphones.
Trust me, even though my wife and I both have pink as a favorite color, I’m not thinking pink from my frontal lobe when asked for things in common. I’m going to tell you right now that my first instinct is to think alpha. And you, my best friend, may be thinking omega. The point of focus for our marriages should always be blue and pink coming together, as one, in the beginning and staying together to the end.
Four . . . (Being shouted through the rough).
Copyright © 2009 | LaRon A. Carter “The Guest Teacher”
P.S. If you have been inspired from this article please consider leaving a comment and subscribing to the RSS feed (just below this article) to have future articles delivered to your feed reader.
Then encourage family and friends by sharing this blog address and invite others to subscribe so we get a chance to connect as well. Just send them to https://laroncarter.wordpress.com where they can bookmark or subscribe to the page. Feel free to direct message me on Twitter @laroncarter or connect on http://laroncarter.com.